Tractor Tee Shirt
Tractor Tee Shirt
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US $24.99
Tubing the Mekong, Laos
The Mekong waltz, Vang Vieng
As sports go, in terms of sophistication ‘tubing’ is right up there with darts. Further similarities between tubing and darts are that, like darts, tubing is a sport which involves virtually no physical exercise and during which the ‘sportsman’ is encouraged to consume large volumes of beer.
If you want to go tubing, all you need is a tractor tyre’s inner tube and a river. Then you deposit yourself in the middle of the tube, legs dangling over the edge, and float downstream. The objects of the exercise: relax, drink as many cold beers as possible and flirt with the maximum number of strangers.
I know the ins-and-outs because I presently find myself in Vang Vieng in Northern Laos, the tubing capital of the world.
The Vang Vieng tubing experience lasts three or four hours and essentially entails soaking up sunshine and cold beers at riverside bamboo bars kitted out with music, rope swings, zip wires and jumps. Between bar breaks, the day-tripper floats down the Mekong’s majestic tributary the Nam Som, bumping into random strangers and admiring the spectacular scenery, which consists of limestone cliffs rising from rice paddy fields.
I am about to climb aboard one of the tyres, but before getting carried away down the river, I want to ensure that the river does not swallow my phones (I have more than one but not, I must repeatedly tell every Laotian I come across, because I have a ‘Mia Noi’ - ‘little wife’, or mistress). In theory, I should be fine because I have a dry bag: an elongated rubber pouch folded over seven times and fastened with a backpack-style click-clip.
Earlier, the dry-bag shop assistant had insisted that his product would do the job. I was dubious and cross-examined him - I examined him so much he got cross. Eventually I splashed out to the tune of 20,000 kip, suspicious I was paying a zero too many, before jumping in a minibus with six other travellers - a mix of middle-aged Koreans, gap-year British kids and goateed, dreadlocked Scandinavians.
Around 500 adventurers make the journey down the Nam Som every day. I notice that I am the 195th, according to the marker pen squiggle on my hand, as I kick my tube into the river.
The tube promptly takes off, forcing me to run after it. I jump in and fall out, scraping my knees on the stony riverbed, provoking several small children to snigger and whisper "farang ting tong" (crazy foreigner).
I climb back in. This time, the tube rears up like a malevolent horse and I collapse, backwards, back into the muddy Mekong’s tributary.
Finally, I succeed in planting myself inside and, steering with my hands, start cruising slowly down the somewhat dirty green river, whose flow is interrupted by rapids which, thankfully, have less kick than a fengshui-inspired garden water feature.
Soon a skyscraper-high bamboo platform rears up on my left. Next to it the first bar looms into view, belting out Ricky Martin's La Vida Loca, a song commonly sung by drunk pirates en route to a firing squad, I once read.
Grabbing the bamboo barge pole that a barman extends, I reel myself ashore and meet a scattering of Brits led by Guy, a Home Counties type with air ace looks and not a hair out of place. While I sip my skittle-sized bottle of Beer Lao, Guy tells me that getting too drunk is a bad idea. Only the previous week a girl who jumped off one of the podiums crashed head-to-head into a tube-rider.
The tube-rider apparently escaped serious injury. But she “ripped her jaw off”, Guy says, lending credence to a blog posting I read, which reported a drowning. I squirm. Everyone falls silent.
Just to prove that I’m just as childish as the younger crowd which I’m drinking with, I feel obliged to pull at least one Tarzan stunt. So I finish my beer and make my way up the skinny bamboo ladder, grip the handle of the aerial slide and check that nobody is lurking below. I zoom down the wire and collide at speed with the river.
A rumble of bubbles. My body knifes through the water, experiences traction, hits a halt, gathers upwards momentum and then bursts through the surface. That certainly blew away the cobwebs.
Coaxed and cajoled by the boys, Guy's English rose girlfriend eventually heads for the ladder, looking like someone walking the plank. In the wake of her splash I move on, soon followed by Guy's squadron. The last time I see him, he is mounting another much higher platform with a cheery wave.
As I turn a bend in the river and he disappears, I imagine him executing the perfect swallow dive. Enticed by a barrage of Britpop, I head for the next bar, dip into my dry bag and rummage around for a wad of notes, only to discover that I am already down to my last 40,000 kip. Ouch!
Over the din of Faithless and The Arctic Monkeys, I ask the ruddy Liverpuddlian barman what that pittance will buy. "A small beer," he says.
After finishing it, I am obliged to go tee-total, which is maybe, in the light of Guy's observation, a blessing. As the party revs up and gets into full swing, I tire of the noise and all the tediously young and clichéd traveller-talk – how much this and that bus/boat/plane/dinner/shirt/battery/box of matches costs. I continue downriver, then settle for a while into a peaceful riverside berth formed by an overhang of undergrowth.
I fall into conversation with a Guangdong legal assistant who recently quit her job to go roaming. We bump together and become a double doughnut until, in the run-up to a series of rapids, she steers away and waves good-bye.
I do nothing – I just spin and watch a goat chew grass. It seems to do this in extreme slow motion, but maybe this is just an illusory effect of me having slowed down. The improbable happens – I relax. I am suffused by a pleasant and unusual sense of in-the-moment tranquility. I can see why some people become hooked on tubing and do the journey as many as 10 times in a row.
I slowly revolve through the haze towards a herd of buffalo taking a dip. They are disembodied, a surreal jumble of huge heads with ropes through their noses. As I near, they startle, then settle.
Beyond the buffalo, two locals wade across the river, looking statuesque with impossibly large bamboo bundles on their heads. One splashes my camera, reminding me that, here, if you want to take someone’s photo, you should ask first. Laotians are shy people.
All the more wonder that, during the 1960s, America saw fit to drop more bombs on their country than were used during the whole of the Second World War. Laos has the dubious honour of being the most bombed country in history. Thanks to the bombardment, people - often children - still get maimed in the fields of Laos today. But the little girl who now approaches me in the shallows at the end of the tube ride has an air of indestructibility.
She tries to take my tube off me, whilst demanding money. I do not pay as I have heard that, if I do, she will walk away with the tube and never return it to base, forcing me to pay a fine.
As I am returning my tube I bump into the Guangdong legal assistant and am not too surprised when she refuses my dinner invitation – well, it was a rather optimistic one, I suppose. Maybe I’ll take another ride down the river tomorrow.
If visiting Thailand, why not visit one of the country’s currently best three beach destinations:
Koh Lao Liang: http://www.andamanadventures.com/kohlaoliang.shtml
Ao Nang: http://www.andamanadventures.com/ao_nang.shtml
Railay/Tonsai: http://www.andamanadventures.com/railay-tonsai.shtml
About the Author
The author runs Andaman Sky Co., Ltd, specialising in climbing and diving trips to Thailand’s best beach destinations.
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Orange Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Ride a Tractor Tractor Women's V-Neck T-Shirt by CafePress $22 My other ride is a tractor. Show the world that you are proud to be a tractor driving person of the land Tractor Women's V-Neck T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton, women's v-neck tee is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 5.6 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Oliver Tractor Tractor Golf Shirt by CafePress $20 Tee off in casual style. Our pique knit golf t-shirt is a comfortable, lightweight way to play 18-holes and beat the heat. Features, stylish white pearl buttons, yet it feels like wearing your favorite t-shirt. Dress it up or down. Throw a blazer over lat Tractor Golf Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Tee off in casual style. Our pique knit golf t-shirt is a comfortable, lightweight way to play 18-holes and beat the heat. Features, stylish white pearl buttons, yet it feels like wearing your favorite t-shirt. Dress it up or down. Throw a blazer over lat |
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Farm Tractor Tractor Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $26 Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. Tractor Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. |
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Tractor Tractor Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $26 Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. Tractor Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. |
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Orange Tractor Tractor Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $26 Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. Tractor Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. |
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Farm Tractor Tractor White T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Pop culture parody of the classic That's how I roll t-shirts that is just perfect for a farmer or anyone who loves farming, agriculture and tractors. Tractor White T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. |
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Ride a Tractor Organic Cotton Tee Tractor Organic Men's Fitted T-Shirt by CafePress $30 My other ride is a tractor. Show the world that you are proud to be a tractor driving person of the land Tractor Organic Men's Fitted T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt . Lightweight for summer comfort or winter layering, our Men's Organic T-shirt is one of our most popular fine tees. It's what to wear when you care about having 100% organically-grown cotton next to your skin. The next best thing to nothing, naturally. |
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Ride a Tractor Tractor Organic Men's T-Shirt dark by CafePress $28.5 My other ride is a tractor. Show the world that you are proud to be a tractor driving person of the land Tractor Organic Men's T-Shirt dark Tee, TShirt, Shirt Are you looking for eco-conscious apparel but unwilling to sacrifice comfort? Look no further than this 100% organic cotton t-shirt. Soft against your skin yet durable enough for everyday wear, this earth-friendly tee looks great and helps save the planet |
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Tractor Driver Tractor Kids Sweatshirt by CafePress $28 Perfect for young farmers and tractor fans Features a warning label on the front that the wearer is a tractor fan and may climb on any tractors. The back features a slow-moving-vehicle sign. Tractor Kids Sweatshirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Warm up while lookinrsquo; casual-cool in this kid version of this adult favorite - our ash grey Hanes Heavyweight 50/50 cotton/polyester sweatshirt. Thick but not bulky, roomy comfort for easy layering underneath. Great durability for playing hard or |
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Tractor Mug Tractor Hooded Sweatshirt by CafePress $45 Give your love one a gift that will warm their heart. Shower them with what they love the most. This genuine Tractor Mug exclusively from Tractor Shop is only sold here and can be customized to fit yo Tractor Hooded Sweatshirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The hoodie: the perfect utilitarian piece of clothing. Leave your hat and scarf at home Stay warm and comfy in your Pullover Hooded Sweatshirt. This hoodie is constructed with a cotton/polyester blend - both durable and comfortable.Heavyweight 90 |
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Tractor Tractor Kids Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $17 The youth-sized version of our popular adult favorite. It's preshrunk and durable - just what a playful, active kid needs.6.1 oz. 100% cottonRuns large, size down for better fit. Tractor Kids Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The youth-sized version of our popular adult favorite. It's preshrunk and durable - just what a playful, active kid needs.6.1 oz. 100% cotton. Runs large, size down for better fit.. |
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Tractor Tractor Light T-Shirt by CafePress $22 This light t-shirt will be fashionable even after the zombie Apocalypse. In fact, this shirt might be the very reason you'll survive said Apocalypse. The light color shows you aren't worried about getting stains - and even if you were, those stains show t Tractor Light T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt This light t-shirt will be fashionable even after the zombie Apocalypse. In fact, this shirt might be the very reason you'll survive said Apocalypse. The light color shows you aren't worried about getting stains - and even if you were, those stains show t |
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Tractor Tractor White T-Shirt by CafePress $22 The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. Tractor White T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The white t-shirt is a timeless classic for a reason; it should be a staple in every wardrobe. It is clean, simple, and durable. The best part is you can wear it with anything. This 100% cotton T-shirt is so comfortable you'll want to wear it to bed. |
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Ride a Tractor Tractor Long Sleeve Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $32.5 My other ride is a tractor. Show the world that you are proud to be a tractor driving person of the land Tractor Long Sleeve Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our Long Sleeve T-Shirt adds an extra element of style for a casual night out, or to keep the chill off. Made of 100% ringspun cotton for maximum comfort, put on your new favorite T-Shirt from a favorite, trusted name in t-shirts, Hanes.6.1 oz. 1 |
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Ride a Tractor Tractor Long Sleeve T-Shirt by CafePress $32.5 My other ride is a tractor. Show the world that you are proud to be a tractor driving person of the land Tractor Long Sleeve T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The most comfortable t-shirt ever Our 100% cotton, Hanes Beefy-T is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 6.1 oz. 100% luxuriously soft ring spun cotton . Standard fit. Ribbed sleeve cuffs. |
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orange tractor Tractor Long Sleeve T-Shirt by CafePress $32.5 Let the whimsical orangehorse bring a smile to all by driving the favorite orange tractor Life is simple: All I need is green grass and an orange tractor no stress, no worries, the pleasure of being Tractor Long Sleeve T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The most comfortable t-shirt ever Our 100% cotton, Hanes Beefy-T is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 6.1 oz. 100% luxuriously soft ring spun cotton . Standard fit. Ribbed sleeve cuffs. |
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Tractor Women's T-Shirt by CafePress $22 Our 100% cotton Women's tee is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 5.6 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Women's T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton Women's tee is preshrunk, durable and guaranteed. 5.6 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Tractor Driver Tractor Kids Light T-Shirt by CafePress $18 Perfect for young farmers and tractor fans Features a warning label on the front that the wearer is a tractor fan and may climb on any tractors. The back features a slow-moving-vehicle sign. Tractor Kids Light T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt The youth-sized version of our popular adult favorite. It's preshrunk and durable - just what a playful, active kid needs.6.1 oz. 100% cotton. Runs large, size down for better fit.. |
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Martha's Vineyard Tractor Tractor Dark T-Shirt by CafePress $26 The Martha's Vineyard Tractor Pull has become a Fair favorite. Only in its third year, the competition is becoming a cult favorite among antique engine buffs and curiosity seekers. Tractor Dark T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Don't waste time deciding on which shirt to put on each morning. This dark shirt t-shirt will never go out of style and hides stains better too. This high-quality t-shirt is pre-shrunk and 100% cotton, which makes it both comfortable and durable. |
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Little Brother Red Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Farmer Boy Red Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Grandpa's Boy Green Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Tanner - Red Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Riley - Red Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |
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Big Brother - Lime Tractor Tractor Toddler T-Shirt by CafePress $12 Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cottonStandard fit Tractor Toddler T-Shirt Tee, TShirt, Shirt Our 100% cotton toddler tee will look great on your little ones.5.5 oz. 100% cotton. Standard fit. |